the brain is not my own torture hall

The past is in the past, my cat Rumi is here now n he gives me lotsa cuddles.

paperblood

17 JULY 2019

Lost

Standing at a traffic light.
The air is thick
And night is here,
I close my eyes, listening.

I need you here.
Who, here?

I had been lost before,
not as bad,
For I hadn’t known
hadn’t found

Someone came and whispered in my ear.
You will win, they breathed,
just sign here.

I didn’t sign, thought no way.
But I let it trial my heart anyway.

Shiver rips through me,
these goosebumps disagree,
I might have known it was a scam all along.

Scratching my skin,
I open a scab.
I remember thinking –
IF I don’t comply it will be bad.

Different paths are before me now…
An old mentality will surely fail.
Onward means a better tale.

I love words, can’t lie,
but in letting out
I like to try
to believe I have learnt and I can learn more.

The…

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Am I comfortable with these Mirror Walls

Unable to recognise those eyes

Frozen
Those moments we have
flicker
they float on the edge,
a peripheral image
Licking my eyeball.
who is that?

strange pedestrian of life,
I’m walking the floors
opening the walls
twisting the handles
frothing the coffee
licking the milk
off this clandestine sink

I see my friend there
In this fated spoon
She’s looking now
I know she’ll be there
The next time I stare.

Italy, 2009. I was 15 years old on student exchange. My host sister/la mia sorella loved taking photos, I guess I got into it too.

#identity #reflection #mirror #poetry #coffee #poem #whoareyou #image

A Week in Sicilia

The eyelash knows the rain,
Believes its curls transpire pain.
You see a spiral fall from her eye,
And wish on a feather to bring her here.

Adopting a breath and stealing a stare,
You look in your own eyes and
What bothers you there.
Losing a lot, the memories turn
And follow you where it is hard to discern
Anything but sound and the drop of a feather.

Wait, wait. What is here?
Relief overflows the eyes and the nose, vino rosso and pizza no “No” to those.

#poet #talk #friends #wine #redwine #pizza #goodFood #food #mood #love #italia #italy #2019 #sicily #sicilia #pizzapasta #breakBread #poem #new #newbie #whatevs #aussie #writer #write #fun #painisgone

Boring Horror Movie

#covid19
Creams itself, by spewing in the air that we breathe.
Put our jobs down its gob
And chucked away a lot of our hard earned pay.

Slimy covid,
T-cell terrorist,
I couldn’t go one hour without hearing about your stupid booger bombing powers.

… The rant trails off… Brain and body awaken…

What time is it?
Wake up,
Go to work!
Oh wait – school is closed,
And my precious routine
Plastered, smashed, knocked out
By covid19.

Groan… It’s all you can do,
Cause politicians don’t speak your tune.

Pubs closed, Woolies still open.
Don’t go there, your face might get broken.
Crazy times, I shoulda bought toilet paper online…


Raving mad paper towel bandits
Have formed a nice crowd
Hungry for their covid19 paper-fool solution.
Well then, I’ll just use a pump bottle, or put the shower on full throttle.
Boring…

When I get home I wash my hands,
Scratch my face a few times,
And wash my hands.
Guess I’ll go talk to the plants.


What next?
Still need to work out.
I grab the fat cat for some weighted squats,
Guess it was a good investment feeding you lots.

Does this world isolation have any plot?
Boring horror movie, I’m just tryna make my life groovy by lifting my prose and singing to my Bose.

#woolies #woolworths #jobs #covod19 #corona #myCorona #poetry #poem #boring #boredom #unemployed #centrelink #tough #horror #movie #boring #poop #toiletPaper #straya #bipolar #writer #silly #teacher #fml #weGonnaGetThrough #weCan #tCellTerrorist #terrorism #tCell #boogerBomber

I sometimes Speed Read

Skipping to the end of the page
I sink
My eyes scanning for a rebate
My finger reversing
as it disciplines those eyes,
Every time they hit the last line.

Fried mind
Is skimming the present,
Doubting the meaning,
Condescending the passage.

Slim mind,
Reaching though blind,
Your mini mind torn from the author’s full form.

Wavy eyes,
Straighten your row.
Follow the line through,
Though it’s not what you want to do.

Silly heart,
It comes from you,
This ripping a page apart.
Unwind your tendrils and
Sausage your scrambled soul
Whisper sweet syllables to fill your heart’s hole,
And eat all the light…
It’s nutritious.

#read #reading #poetry #adhd #poem #corona #stress #chill #books #reflection #thoughts #lockdown #school #teacher #zoom #wow #write #escape

First Beat

Set foot in the country.

Touch down.

And touch, you will.

Feel the soil on your feet.

Let your fingers converse with the trees

As you experience the softness of the leaves.

The wind stirs ships and makes waves with invisible fingertips.

My words choke

Remembering where I am,

Somewhere between kangaroos and the moon.

Wondering… Where is my sister?

#dreamSister #sister #land #australia #sorry #country #acknowledge #love #lost #bush #appreciation #poetry #bipolar #manicdepression #creativityHeals #time #poem #rumi #spirit #dreaming #cammeraygal #aussie

A similar place to where I first dreamt of having a sister, around 2012. We were observing the time before, during, and after the arrival of the first fleet from the water. With a bird’s eye view. But today I went here and wrote this… things are different in your imagination. It is Powerful, like the land…

Noooo,

I like listening to your voice.

Our legs touching whilst sitting on the train…

Unveiling you, I mightn’t pursue.

But damn,

If you walked into my imagination, I’d meet you bare.

Stop!!

One, two, three…

I really need you, I want to bite your shoulder and nibble your ear.

I don’t know you, so that would be kinda weird.

#forbidden #ego #uncertainty #desire #smallPoem #poem #prose #poetry #post #new #loss

Ride Life

Hold your hands, not your face

We’re together.

Forced to forget any race…

Slowly, softly walk into a bush, or hug a tree with arms wide,

Just so your face can be touched.

Never forget to be free, not vacant…

We are gonna make it.

#chaos #tranquility #nature #covid19 and it’s my pleasure to share with you an opportunity to take a breath, and look at this vivid green plant. It’s soft!! Not spiky, like how it looks… ❤️❤️🌿

We will figure things out as we go…

DREAMS I: an exploration

Do our pre- sleep musings dictate our slumber’s surroundings?
Recently I’ve been continuing conversations from the day in my dream. I dream up an SMS conversation.

I’ve been interested in dreams since I was really young. I used to have reccuring Dreams…but that didn’t scare me so much, they would only make me curious. I was more concerned and worried about how a towel looked scary draped over a chair in the corner of my room when I’d wake up in the middle of the night…

Later on I discovered that nightmares also triggered lucidity. One of the first dreams I wrote down was in 2009. I was concerned about my dog, Molly. She was sick. I worried about my family after she died, and Molly’s afterlife.

One night I dreamt that I was being chased through the bush by a pack of wolves. Molly dog, our beautiful Labrador, appeared out of no where and led them away, sacrificing herself so that I could live. I remember looking at my hands and seeing them shaking, looking strange… I woke up, in shock…

I wondered about lucid dreams more and more and found myself flying up ski hills instead of taking the ski lift. I ached for that flying feeling. Eventually, it happened again. I was in the QVB and I lifted my arms up and flew to darling harbour and got on a boat, similar to my high school friend’s boat.

A handful of lucid dreams later and a mild interest in finding how to seek spiritual answers through dreams… I found myself by a beach. I was on a sand dune and I asked someone if they were my spirit guide.
Their answer was so droll. So average and unclear.

I didn’t feel the need to try and lucid dream again…

Now, I’m thinking about dipping into it, but just casually… Just aiming for one lucid dream every now and then. What do you reckon? Are lucid dreams safe? Can they be useful? Have you ever had a lucid dream?

#musings

# lucidDream #dreams #dreaming #sleep #dream #inspiration #dreamSPO #thoughts #help #spirit #guide

I’ve also had traumatic dreams from lived experience and memories from bipolar episodes… Sometimes vivid dreams are horrifying to shake. I lost interest in dream recall for a period after these dreams came and went. It’s really important to talk about dreams with someone you trust, if dreams are impacting you… They can hit home hard, I know. #speak #trust #mentalHealth #depression #phoneAfriend #anxiety #PTSD #manicDepression #believe #love #heal